By Dr. Emily Morse 3-Minute Read
Doctor of Human Sexuality and Womaness Expert Emily Morse is on a mission to liberate the conversation about sex and pleasure. She’s a bestselling author, pioneering MasterClass Instructor, SiriusXM radio host and exec producer, and host of iTunes’ #1 Sexuality podcast Sex With Emily. Order her latest book Smart Sex and follow her on Instagram.
Fact: sex is a journey we can take our entire lives. Every decade brings its own challenges and major benefits.
When you’re young, you’re still figuring out your sexual preferences and what feels good. When you’re older, you’ve gained more sexual knowledge. We’re also aging differently now: a Harris poll of 2,000 Americans found that 71% of seniors say the best time of their lives is right now or in front of them. In a study in England, 86% of men and 60% of women aged 60 – 69 years reported being sexually active. Meanwhile, our “hotspan” may be longer than ever!
So let’s take a look at the ages and stages of your sex life. What can you look forward to in the decades to come?
This is the time in your sex life when you’re learning about your body and your sexual style. You’re very young, so your hormone levels are humming along.
Because you’ve only recently made your sexual debut (or are about to!), you may not know a ton about what you like in bed. That’s ok, enjoy all the info-gathering. It’s an excellent decade for experimentation.
The 20s are also a nice time to look back on the sex education you did (or didn’t) receive, and decide what resonates with you. What overall messaging about sex did you get? Seek out sex positive voices on social media, in podcasts, and among your buds.
Masturbating, the foundation of a healthy sex life. That’s true whether you’re partnered or not!
By this point, life has gotten more complex, with more responsibilities. Your career might be on the rise, which brings more income…and more stress. You may be partnered, you may not. You could also have children now, and are riding the waves of sleep deprivation / pregnancy / etc. There’s a lot going on!
This is a great decade for sexual self-care. Take manageable steps for sexual growth, honoring your needs for rest and pleasure.
Erotic massage. Fried? Touch is your friend. If it ends in orgasm, all the better: your brain releases serotonin, oxytocin, dopamine, and endorphins each time you O.
By now, you’ve gained valuable insight on your sex life. Your hormones may be changing a bit, affecting your sexual response. But don’t worry, there are tools for that.
If you’ve got a vulva and your orgasms are feeling lackluster, try training them. A cute bullet vibe, like the high-powered Gold Vibes from Womaness, is perfect for you and this life stage. Its size is travel-friendly, it almost looks like a tube of lipstick, and it’s guaranteed to light up thousands of nerve endings in your clitoris. For extra stimulation, you can take off the protective purple sleeve and just use the gold bullet. That is your ticket to orgasm, which contracts your pelvic floor muscles. We want to strengthen those, to keep your orgasms intense.
This is also a great decade to discover your core erotic desires. What deep feelings are you chasing in bed? Figure them out, and sex will become even more fulfilling.
A kink. Vanilla sex is great! But by now, you’ve probably been having sex for a couple decades. Get adventurous—you’ve earned it.
Kids? They’re probably grown. Career? It’s probably stable. This is a truly amazing time of life: it’s the decade many of us hit the reset button on our sexual desires. If you’ve got a vulva, it’s also the decade you start purely having sex for pleasure.
Now, I won’t lie to you—this is also the decade your hormones really start to change. If you’ve got a vulva, menopause sets in during the 50s, which affects your levels of natural lubrication. Womaness makes a vaginal moisturizer called Daily V Soothe that is ultra-moisturizing, plumping up the delicate tissues in your vulva. Now is the time you could also explore hormone therapy (focusing on estrogen), to restore healthy vaginal tissues and make sex more comfortable.
The Yes / No / Maybe List. You’re giving less f*ck’s than ever! Lean in! My YNM list gives you tons of inspo. Try it out, and have more actual f*cks than ever.
Fact: tons of couples have better sex lives during this decade, than they did in their younger years. With less distractions and decades of self-knowledge, you’ve arrived at a great place. Now more than ever, you can focus on sexual depth.
Take care of your health, your relationship(s), and your communication skills. Remember that it’s never too late for therapy, to address old wounds with a partner, or old wounds within yourself. The 60s are your retirement decade, baby! So as you enter a genuinely cool chapter of life, say goodbye to ageist stereotypes about sex. Older people are doing it more and enjoying it more, according to science. What a time to be alive.
A new sex toy. You’re in your treat yo’self era. You worked hard to get here, and you damn well deserve sexual pleasure.
70s & beyond: Defying
Remember that study I mentioned at the top about seniors? Check this out: in a US study of sexually active people 75 – 85 years old, 54% reported having sex two or three times per month. And 23% reported having sex one or more times per week!
You can be sexually vibrant through this decade and beyond. A couple in this article say, and I quote, “sex is the best it has ever been.” Take their words to heart.
Edging. Build up the intensity to orgasm, then back off…repeat, until you finish with fireworks.
There you have it! No matter how old you are, you’ve always got more to learn about sex. And the best part is, our dynamic bodies want to teach us.
Highlights from an original article on sexwithemily.com. Re-published with permission.