By Womaness Editors 2-Minute Read
Welcome to ASK AN EXPERT, a series where we pose your real questions to our menopause experts for the intel you need. Need an answer? Post your question on The After Party, our private Facebook Group.
Your Question:
“Sometimes in this phase of life, sex can hurt or it can be tough to get myself in the mood. Some of it is physical; some is mental. I know that things like a skincare routine and bedtime routine help me in other parts of my life. Should I also have a ‘sexual wellness’ routine? If so, what does that look like?”
The Answer:
From Dr. Emily Morse, Doctor of Human Sexuality & founder/host of the podcast Sex with Emily and author of the new book Safe Sex:
“This is a great question because the brain is one of the largest sex organs. And you really have to keep your brain on board with sex. If you walk around all day not thinking about sex—it's not top of mind, or you think you never want to have it—once you're in the bedroom, you'll wonder, ‘Why aren't I in the mood?’
It can be really challenging.
That's why I'm just going say it: part of a sexual wellness routine is masturbation. It's part of being sexually healthy overall. So I encourage you to get a vibrator like Gold Vibes. It looks like a lipstick and you can use it so many different ways. I literally am obsessed with it.
“You are responsible for your own pleasures and for your own orgasm.”
Sometimes it's like going to the gym when you haven't been in a while. The hardest part is putting on your shoes and getting out the door. Then you get there and think you’re just going to get on the treadmill for five minutes. And then you do it and think, ‘Okay, that was good. It wasn't so bad!’
I encourage you to think this way about your sex life because you are responsible for your own pleasures and your own orgasm. That's part of it. Sex begets sex.
The other thing I love is Me.No.Pause. They’re great supplements for night sweats and hot flashes. They actually work. If you're consistent with it, it will help. You gotta take something! And hormone replacement therapy can also be really, really useful for so many women.
And like I always say: ‘Lube on every nightstand.’ Try a lubricant like Coco Bliss—put it on your nightstand and dream! Use it for every kind of sex act you do. Masturbation or with a partner? Always use lube. It will make it so much better and much more pleasurable. There's been study after study that show when you add a few drops to lubricant to any sexual situation, women are more likely to have orgasms.”
“Lube on every nightstand?” We absolutely agree. Make it part of your routine with our coconut oil-based vaginal moisturizer Coco Bliss or water-based Daily V Soothe (which pairs nicely with Emily's obsession, the Gold Vibes vibrator, in case you needed more inspiration!).
Get More Answers
Ask a Dermatologist: "What ingredients are best for menopausal skin?"
Ask a Sex Therapist: "How can I feel more confident in the bedroom?"
Ask a Doctor: "Why does sex hurt in menopause?"
