Ask a Sex Therapist: “How can I feel more confident in the bedroom?”

Meno 101 - May 17, 2023

By Womaness Editors 1-Minute Read

Dr. Emily Morse, Sex Expert for Womaness

Welcome to ASK AN EXPERT, a series where we pose your real questions to our menopause experts for the intel you need. Need an answer? Post your question on The After Party, our private Facebook Group.

Your Question:

“What can I do to feel more confidence in the bedroom...especially in menopause?”

The Answer:

From Dr. Emily Morse, Doctor of Human Sexuality & founder/host of the podcast Sex with Emily:

“When you ask about confidence and sexuality, I think for so many women, we were taught that sex was more about the outwardly: how you felt, how you moved, how you looked sexually, what you wore.

But I feel it when they say 'confidence is an inside job.' When women come to me and say, ‘I have pain or I don't feel great or I'm just not myself,’ I have to remember that we are responsible for our own pleasure and our own self-care and what makes us feel good...

I used to think it was my partner’s job. I used to think that my partner would ride up. I'd say, ‘Someday my prince will come and so will I. I'm not going to have an orgasm, nothing's going to happen unless someone else is there [doing it to] me, giving me all this stuff.’

“Confidence is an inside job.”

And I realized that I needed to bring this to myself.

I use vibrators. To me, that is a huge part of self-care. Because when you're having an orgasm, for example, you release all these feel-good hormones, like serotonin, dopamine, all the things that you want anyway. I say take a bath, use a vibrator.

It's not our partner's responsibility. And it actually improves your mood. It helps you feel good. And sex begets sex. So even if it's sex with yourself, I think that sex should be part of your daily ritual.”

“Take a bath, use a vibrator”? Um, yes please. Make it part of your daily ritual with our Joy by Lovehoney vibrator or Curve by Lovehoney vibrator, which are, ahem, 100% waterproof.