By Gabriella Espinosa 3-Minute Read
Sexual wellness coach and host of the podcast Pleasure in the Pause Gabriella Espinosa is on a mission to show you how to connect to your body, pleasure, and power through perimenopause, menopause, and beyond.
There’s a moment that sneaks up on many of us in midlife.
One day, you realize you're avoiding intimacy… or just not feeling it at all.
What used to bring you pleasure or turn you on now feels like a chore, or completely out of reach.
And quietly, you wonder:
“Where did my pleasure go?”
If you’ve had this thought, you’re not alone.
And nothing is wrong with you.
You're Allowed to Care About Your Pleasure
We’ve been taught that pleasure is extra. That it’s something you earn after taking care of everyone else.
But here’s the truth:
Pleasure is not selfish. It’s not indulgent.
It’s part of feeling connected, confident, and fully alive.
So if something in you is whispering, I miss that part of myself—listen.
You're allowed to want it back.
And you're allowed to get support along the way.
Why Pleasure Often Changes in Midlife
Hormonal shifts during perimenopause and menopause can bring dryness, low libido, and physical discomfort. But what often gets overlooked is the emotional weight of those changes.
When sex stops feeling good, it’s not just a physical issue—it impacts how we see ourselves, how we feel in our relationships, and how connected we feel to our bodies.
And yet, many of us feel like we’re supposed to just “deal with it.”
Here’s the better way forward:
Recognize that this is a new season.
And it deserves new tools, new attention, and new ways of connecting to yourself.
“If something in you is whispering, I miss that part of myself—listen. You're allowed to want it back.”
Reconnect to Pleasure, One Sensation at a Time
Pleasure isn’t just about what happens in the bedroom.
It also lives outside of it… in the small, everyday moments that bring you back to your body.
Start here:
Ask yourself, What brings me pleasure right now, in this season of life?
Then, make a Pleasure List: 10 things that feel good, comforting, or joyful.
A few to get you started:
• A long, warm shower
• Dancing to your favorite song
• The softness of your favorite robe
• That first sip of morning coffee
• Your most-loved lotion or scent
And if you’re looking for something that feels especially good, try Coco Bliss, a coconut oil-based vaginal moisturizer that melts into your skin and smells deliciously like coconut, vanilla bean, and almond.
Use it after the shower, during massage, or anywhere your skin needs hydration. It’s a simple way to bring more pleasure into your day with or without a partner.
Each day, pick one item from your list, and let yourself fully enjoy it.
Notice how your body feels.
Let out a long exhale.
Let your nervous system register: this feels good.
This is where your connection to pleasure begins again.
Dryness Isn’t Just Physical — It’s Emotional, Too
One of the most common culprits behind lost pleasure is vaginal dryness, and it’s not just "part of aging we have to live with."
Dryness can make intimacy uncomfortable (or impossible). But beyond the physical, it can create emotional distance. It’s hard to feel turned on or open when your body doesn’t feel safe, supported, or soothed.
That’s why I love the Lift Your Libido Kit from Womaness. It’s a powerful duo designed for real women in midlife who are ready to feel good again.
• Daily V Soothe is a hyaluronic acid-based vaginal moisturizer that hydrates and comforts your most delicate skin.
• Gold Vibes Vibrator is a sleek, science-backed tool to reignite sensation and support blood flow (aka your spark).
Together, they’re not just about sex...they’re about waking up pleasure in your body, your way.
Lift Your Libido Kit
Vibrators Are Wellness Tools, Not Taboos
If vibrators still feel off-limits or taboo, I get it. Many of us weren’t raised to think of them as “normal,” let alone essential.
But research from the Kinsey Institute shows that women 40-65 rate self-pleasure as more effective than many lifestyle changes when it comes to symptom relief during menopause.
The benefits? Improved sleep, mood, natural lubrication, pain relief, and yes, fewer hot flashes.
Vibration isn’t just about orgasm. Just 5 to 10 minutes of gentle external vibration a few times a week can support:
• Pelvic floor health
• Less urgency or UTIs
• Less dryness
• More comfort and confidence
No orgasm required. Just exploration, sensation, connection.
Your Libido Isn’t Broken — It’s Just Different
In midlife, desire often shifts from spontaneous to responsive. That means you may not feel "in the mood" out of nowhere, and that’s perfectly normal.
Desire now comes through touch, sensation, connection, and feeling safe in your body.
That’s what the Lift Your Libido Kit supports:
Giving your body a chance to feel good again…on your terms.
Your Pleasure Matters
So let’s say it one more time, clearly and unapologetically:
You are allowed to care about your pleasure.
It is not selfish. It is not indulgent.
And yes, you can get it back.
Start small.
Start with sensation.
Start with one choice that says, “I matter too.”
Whether it’s a walk in the sun, a hot shower, or exploring tools like the Lift Your Libido Kit know that this is your invitation.
Your pleasure isn’t gone.
It’s just waiting for you to come back to it.
And you deserve every moment of it.
Your pleasure isn’t gone. It’s just waiting for you to come back to it.”
Learn more about Gabriella at gabriellaespinosa.com. You can also listen to the Pleasure in the Pause podcast at pleasureinthepause.com and follow her on Instagram.
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